blackberry days

Here it is, the beginning of August in the Pacific Northwest. I won't rub in how wonderful the weather is here in the summer (mainly because it got up to 100 degrees last week & I don't want to jinx the temperature now), but it is a lovely place to be.

One of the things that I would never have known about before moving here is that blackberries are weeds. Blackberry bushes are these looming, toothy plants that grow particularly well wherever people have tried to cut back the woods. They are the botanical equivalents of dragons. I walked by one blackberry plant yesterday that must have been about 10 feet tall with tentacles (yes, I am mixing my metaphors here, but they really are tentacular) as big around as my middle finger, maybe bigger. They are spectacular specimens.

Every year, around this time, the green berries on the bushes start to ripen and turn that black-purple that means they will be ready to eat soon. My son looks forward to this time of year because he is part bear, and frankly, so do I. When the blackberries ripen depends on the weather, and with as hot and dry as it has been this year, they are ripening earlier; in years where it is rainy and cool, we would have to wait a bit from now.

During the blackberry days of August, walks around the neighborhood don't happen as quickly as at other times of year. Every few feet or so, people stop and examine the blackberry bushes for berries that are ready for snacking and frequently find some. The process of extracting the berries is tricky work. Remember those dragons with tentacles? They are very protective of their treasure. They will try to bite you, guaranteed. It becomes a sort of dance, the reach to work around the thorns. Some of the berries are too high to reach --most of them, if we are to be honest. They dangle up above, tempting in their purpleness, but it must be some kind of anglerfish-like ploy (yes, mixing metaphors again --perhaps a blackberry bush is more chimera than dragon?), and the bush only wants to eat those brave or stupid enough to try. Every year, I tell myself I will come back at night with a ladder and gloves, but I never do. Some years, I do remember to bring a bag. They are better straight off the bush, though, when they plop into your hand because they are too fat and juicy to hang on anymore.

There are blackberries in the frozen food section of most supermarkets that are available year round, but there is something we lose when we live in a world where everything is available on demand. Easy availability makes them commonplace, when they're not commonplace at all. Blackberries are special. Even the blackberries that are picked and eaten when they're not quite ripe enough in August taste better than the berries from the bag in January.

What are those special things you have to wait for?

in praise of fucking up

I love when people make mistakes. I love it when they get that "oh shit!" wide-eyed look on their face. I love it when they panic and say "Sorry!" more times per minute than seems possible. I love it when they grab too many paper towels to mop up the spill. I love it when they publicly admit, "I don't know what the fuck I was thinking." I love it when they reflect on the damage they've done and acknowledge no one owes them a second chance. I love it when they take steps to make sure it never happens again. I love it when they take steps to provide restitution (which may not be possible, but at least they try).

I've seen two instances recently of famous people who were vilified for fucking up publicly --I don't know the people involved, but I have seen the reaction to them. I also know why they were vilified, and I am very sympathetic to the people who vilified them. At some point, though, we need to figure out how to mete out reactions to people making mistakes on a continuum based on factors like intent, patterns of behavior, and signs of growth.

Henry Cavill said something about being afraid to date because of the current climate relating to sexual harassment and sexual assault and that he was afraid he would be thought to be or possibly accused of doing something that was not his intent.*

James Gunn made a series of tweets --that's Twitterspeak, meaning "tweets" --that used pedophilia as a punchline.**

I take both sexual harassment/assault and pedophilia seriously, having been around both more than is comfortable to deal with (incidentally, the number of instances where it becomes deeply uncomfortable is one, with zero instances being preferable and necessary).

What is the proper way to address someone who fucks up, like they did?

It depends, but in both of those instances, there were signs that the heavy hammer of shame and retribution might not be it. The two examples arose from different circumstances --one was ignorance and fear, the other was ignorance and indifference. In both instances, they acknowledged making mistakes. In neither instance is there any indication they have actually harassed or assaulted anyone. In the case of James Gunn, there are signs that he tried to do something different once he understood what he did was wrong and it was not motivated by damage control. I'm not privy to the dating habits of Henry Cavill, but after the lambasting he got, I'd think he probably ended up somewhat wiser, too.

We want a world where people can grow, and growth means mistakes. We want light thrown on people's mistakes. We want discussion. We want reflection. And we want the people making the mistakes to feel like they can participate in the discussion and feel like they have a way to try again and try better, or they hide. We do not want mistakes hidden, because the only thing that grows in darkness is mold. Things fester there. That is the climate that created the ethos of the current President of the United States, and we do not want a society like that, believe me. That is a society that learns nothing and stagnates and rots.

So fuck up, then own up, then grow up.

Growth is hard, but damned if it's not necessary. I love it.

*Henry Cavill: Your takeaway is don't be afraid. Women are human beings --treat them that way, and you're fine. If you want to know something, ask. If the answer is not an enthusiastic "yes!", back off quickly. We don't owe you anything, and you'll live to try another day. 

**James Gunn: Your takeaway is that pedophilia is never ever EVER funny. Ever. People who advocate pedophilia are not funny either and should also not be treated as punchlines because it diminishes the seriousness of how badly they fuck up lives.