(Note: if you are one of those people who chooses to 'care for' their wild elephant by hunting and killing them or by piecing them out to unscrupulous types, this blog post is not for you. At all. Go away.)
Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a wild elephant. Majestic creatures, elephants, and now, you have one of your very own. You've always wanted one. What luck!
So now that you have one, how do you take care of it? Glad you asked! I happen to be an expert in the care of wild elephants. The greatest wild elephant expert ever. Trust me.
Obviously, you want to make sure your elephant remains safely with you. The elephant is yours. Just as you've always wanted an elephant, everyone else has probably always wanted one as well. They might try to take your elephant from you, and then where would you be? Elephantless, that's where. Likewise, your elephant is new to the neighborhood. You wouldn't want the elephant to wander off, go exploring, or possibly make new friends who are not you. Remember: your elephant.
You'll want some kind of box or heavily-fortified yard for your elephant. You can make sure to give it homey touches to remind your elephant of the savannah (you know, his or her natural habitat). Nothing says I care for my elephant like dressing up your razor wire with raffia.
Next, you'll want to make sure to keep your elephant fed and watered. Because your elephant is a wild creature, it's not well-educated. Bright animals, elephants, but elephants don't attend Yale or Harvard (sure, neither did you, but people do). Therefore, you are in charge. You know about elephant nutrition, or you can look it up on the Interweb, so you will be deciding what the animal eats. You don't have savannah chow lying around, but you can scrounge up something nutritious. And you'll be sure to give the elephant only the finest peanut-ty treats.
Your home and yard will not be as large as the elephant's range on the savannah. Your elephant may need to go on a diet a bit so as not to outgrow the space that you have. Also, since he or she will not be moving around as much as usual, now having adopted a sedentary lifestyle, calorie restriction might be a good thing anyways.
You're on a pretty tight schedule, so you'll also be deciding when the elephant eats. Some sacrifices have to be made, but hey, you're caring for him or her. That elephant should be grateful! He or she could have ended up with someone else who wasn't nearly as thoughtful.
One of the fun things about owning ...I mean, caring for a wild elephant that no one ever mentions is that you can dress the elephant up for special occasions. Elephants with reindeer antlers? I mean, come on --SO cute! Halloween will never be the same once you have your very own elephant. Take lots of pictures and show them off for the world to see!
The elephant will be so happy with you, he or she won't miss the savannah. And restricting the elephant's movements, diet, and schedule won't impact the elephant's health or will to live negatively at all. Don't worry. There's always elephant therapy and elephant pharmaceuticals if any issues arise.
Alternatively ...
You can leave your elephant in the wild. You can protect your elephant's ability to be an elephant by making it more about the elephant than about you.
Nah. I mean, elephant antlers --come on ...