Yes I am confessing to egomania, and naturally, I will write a blog post to share my confessions since I couldn't possibly write them down in a diary and lock them away.
I am a raging egomaniac.
There. I've said it.
I write and I share what I write, so by definition, I think there is something in what I say that others might want to read. That's a peculiar idea: I write, so read me. If you do not read me, what was the point of writing?
The truth is, I would write either way --I am a compulsive writer. I just hope that there is a purpose for my writing. Is that ego? It feels like it because I feel slighted, inadequate, etc. when what I've written doesn't connect, doesn't work, doesn't get read. Why do I bother? What makes me think I'm so special? On some level, though, I must think I'm special because I've taken the time to put my thoughts down on paper (or in the computer). Surely I think highly of my thoughts to spend the effort?
Is that raging egomania?
Over a year or so ago, I would have said yes, but what a difference a year makes. There are enough people in the news nowadays where I guess egomania is all relative.
On reflection, there is nothing wrong with wanting to communicate to other humans. There is nothing wrong with trying your best to craft something that speaks to someone. If it is not taken the way it's meant, that's okay --there was nothing wrong with the attempt.
And the feeling of disappointment when something you've written goes nowhere in terms of audience or acceptance? That is a natural thing. You write with hope, but there are no assurances. It's okay to hope, and you will survive the disappointment to try again.
Oh, and the reason I put this in a blog post and not in a diary? It's a bit of a message in a bottle, isn't it? We send our thoughts out into the world because what else is there? So please keep writing and sharing.
That's not ego; that's human.